The Adventures of Aunt Darcy and Uncle Loki Loki, I Think This Is the
by FarGreenCountrySwiftSunrise
Summary: Loki has been released to do "community service" on Earth under the supervision of the Avengers. AKA The Avengers and Loki decide to call a truce and sometimes even like each other. Pre-Some Do Battles. TW: Discussions of suicide and torture.
1. Chapter I: A Family Matter

The Adventures of Aunt Darcy and Uncle Loki

Loki, I Think This Is the Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship

Summary: Loki has been released to do "community service" on Earth under the supervision of the Avengers. AKA The Avengers and Loki decide to call a truce and sometimes even like each other. Pre-Some Do Battles. TW: Discussions of suicide and torture.

Disclaimer for the Lawyers: I own nothing but an iPod on a slow decline.

On the Subject of Canon: "I'm aware that the head writers have made a decision, but given that it was a stupid ass decision I've elected to ignore it."

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Chapter I: A Family Matter

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The hero never believes at first. If they did, it wouldn't be a very good story. - Henry from _Once Upon a Time_

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It was the night before Christmas and all throughout Stark Tower, the Avengers were partying, including the Asgardians.

"Why would you think my brother and I would dislike mistletoe?" Thor said as he squinted suspiciously at the plant hanging above Tony.

"Well, you know, the whole Baldur thing," Tony said.

Thor waved the name away. "That never happened. My only sibling is Loki."

"Good to know," Jane said, "Also, you are going to have to kiss Stark now."

Tony looked up. "Damn it."

"What? Why?" Thor said.

"If you stand under the mistletoe, you have to kiss whoever is under it with you," Jane said.

"Ah. A strange tradition, but I shall honor your customs!" Thor said enthusiastically. He gave Tony a smacking kiss on the cheek. "Merry Christmas, Stark."

"Thank God you didn't go for tongue," Tony said as Thor moved towards Jane.

Loki popped into the party carrying an armful of presents… right next to Tony. "He. He. He. Happy Yuletide, mortals."

"It's 'ho, ho, ho'," Sam Wilson said.

Loki shrugged. "Consider it my take on the tradition."

"Speaking of," Steve said as he took a sip of eggnog to hide his grin.

The trickster looked-up. "Yes. Mistletoe. I am aware. Darcy has been forcing me to watch those horrendous Yuletide movies with her."

"Come on Loki. I triple-dog-dare-ya," Tony said, wriggling his eyebrows.

He shrugged and tossed aside his presents. "Oh well."

Loki grabbed Stark by the shoulders, patted Tony's cheek, and then gave him a kiss while dipping him.

Tony Stark was not quite sure how he had ended up being kissed by the God of Mischief under the mistletoe at Christmas while being wolf-whistled by the Avengers and Tony's fiancée, Pepper. Tony had gotten pretty use to strange things happening… even if said strange things included snogging a guy Tony and the rest of them had wanted dead just a few months earlier.

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 **Two Years Earlier**

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 **Everyone Should Listen to Frigga**

A queen did not run; Frigga merely walked very quickly. When she entered the throne room where Odin was, Thor and Loki stood before him. The former was battle weary, but whole. The latter was in chains and gagged.

"And what do you have to say for yourself?" Odin asked Loki.

The muzzle disappeared. Loki stretched his jaw and cracked his neck before speaking. "I would say I was merely following what you trained me to be: a king."

"The Midgardians are not for you to rule," Odin said.

"Oh, no, you would place me in charge of a frozen wasteland of monsters just so you can have the slightest chance of a political foothold on Jotunheim so you would not have to destroy it," Loki said. He shook his head violently as if trying to get something out of his ear. "You are… a hypocrite and a liar, just as I am. Who are you to judge me?"

"I am your king and your father. Do you not truly feel the gravity of your crimes? Wherever you go there is war, ruin and death," Odin said.

"I went down to Midgard to rule the people of Earth as a benevolent god. Just like you."

Frigga noticed something odd about Loki's eyes.

"We are not gods. We are born, we live, we die. Just as humans do," Odin said.

Loki thought for a moment. "Give or take 5000 years."

Odin was unamused. "All this because Loki desires a throne."

"As you have said my entire life, it is my birthright."

"Your birthright was to die as a child. Cast out onto a frozen rock. If I had not taken you in you would not be here now to hate me."

Thor unconsciously adjusted his grip on Mjolnir and stepped slightly in front of Loki. Frigga was able to move closer to her sons.

Loki said, "If I am for the ax, then for mercy's sake, just swing it. It's not that I don't love our little talks, it's just ... I don't love them."

"My king and my sons, I would kindly ask all of you to be silent just a moment," Frigga said as she stood in front of Loki, "What happened to your eyes, my son?"

Loki shook his head again. "Stop pretending you are concerned about me. You have never been my mother."

Frigga gave a polite smile to hide the sting of the comment. "You know, you said the same thing when you cut Lady Sif's hair to distract me from your actions. It did not work then and it will not work now. I chose to be mother to you and Thor. You have always known I chose to the love the two of you. What happened to your eyes, Loki?"

The trickster gritted his teeth. "Just stop this. Stop this charade. You have never cared for me. You have simply used me to…"

Frigga touched Loki's forehead and caused him to fall straight back onto the floor. The queen nearly retched. Thor grabbed her as Odin descended the steps of the throne. "By the Norns… he was tortured. How can you not see it? The darkness and… I don't know what it was, but it was ancient and like death itself."

Odin took Frigga' arm. She patted his hand in acknowledgement of the touch. "We need to have him examined, husband. Decide as you will later, but not until he is healed. Please."

The All-Father nodded to Thor. Loki began to wake-up. "Ugh. I have spent far more time on the floor than I would want."

"It's because you are, as my friends would say, Low-Key," Thor said as he picked up Loki.

"I will kill you. I swear by the Norns themselves, I am the only one who will be allowed to kill you," Loki said with utter sincerity.

Frigga leaned against Odin. "I am sorry, but I could not say nothing. His eyes kept changing between blue and green. He has never done that before."

"It does not change what happened before he fell," Odin said softly.

Frigga nodded. "But it does give me hope."

&%&%&%

 **Thor Gets Hit on the Head and Finds His Brother**

The next year was long and deeply unpleasant. There were some days when Loki seemed to be sarcastic, gloomy self. Other times, Loki was a cruel, twisted thing which tried to kill anything or anyone who came near him.

Which is why Thor was a bit hesitant following Odin's order of taking Loki to Nidavellir to go and try to find the Helm of Awer. "You will need someone with magic to find it. Loki will do well at the task."

&%&%&%

"Well, isn't this fun?" Loki said dryly as Thor dragged Loki by his feet through caves in the mountains of Nidavellir.

"You should not have angered the Dwarfs," Thor said.

"I did not need to do much given our history," Loki said.

"How much longer will this spell last?"

"I don't know. Maybe a few more hours. And you can lift me off the ground, you know. I am rather tired of being hit in the head by rocks."

"You deserve more than a few hits on the head."

"What? For harming your precious Midgard?"

"For making mother cry."

"… I agree."

Thor stopped walking and looked back at his brother. "You agree?"

Loki rolled his eyes. "I do not regret much of the past two years, but I do regret harming her."

"I… I am relieved to see you feel some sense of…"

The ground fell out from beneath them.

&%&%&%

Thor's head was pounding as he struggled to his knees. The passageway they had fallen into was dark save for a few glowing, blue gems. Loki struggled against the binding of the spell.

"You have to wake up, Thor. Do you hear me, you oaf? Wake up or I will be forced to go to the depths of Hel to retrieve you. This stupid place does not get to kill you. Only I get to kill you."

Thor crawled over to Loki and laid down next to him. "Don't worry. I'm not dying yet. I think I just need a nap."

"No! You need to stay awake. Just give me a few more minutes to get out of this blasted spell." Loki was able to kick out one leg. "Ha! Now to get to the rest."

"It's… I don't understand."

"That is far too vague as you are a complete and utter moron who finds most things confusing. Tell me what you do not understand."

"You… you didn't kill the people you needed to… to put the Avengers out of the fight. You didn't aim for the heart."

Loki kicked out his other leg. "Bitterness is a paralytic. Love is a much more vicious motivator. I wanted your stupid heroes to stop fighting me, not go on revenge spree." He wrenched out his arm. "Yes." He rolled over and put a hand on Thor's chest for a moment before sighing. "I'm not good at this sort of thing, but I don't think anything is broken thanks to you thick skull. Your tiny brain might be a bit jumbled."

Thor patted Loki's arm. "You didn't want to win, did you, brother?"

Loki stiffened. "Of course, I wanted to win. It was my right…"

Thor shushed Loki. "No, no. I've heard you say it so many times, I can hear the lies now. Mother is right. Whoever or whatever had you really did twist you."

Loki huffed. "Are you forgetting Jotunheim?"

The god of thunder waved his hand. "Ah, well, I don't have much room to judge, do I? I tried it just a few days earlier, as you pointed out. I just grew up faster than you. One of the benefits of being the big brother. I get to be the more mature one."

Loki rolled onto his back and got his other arm free of the spell's grasp. "As much as I want out of this little piece of Hel, I don't think it is wise for you to be flying us anywhere."

Thor patted Loki's head. "It's okay. Got you. You'll make sure I don't die."

"You seem to forget what I tell you every time I see you: I am the only one who gets to kill you."

"Which means you are going to protect me. When are you planning on killing me? Now would be a great time. No witnesses. Reasonable cause of death. It's perfect." Thor sat up and pulled a knife out of Loki's coat. "Here you go. Go ahead and kill me."

Loki smacked the dagger out of Thor's hand. "Are you completely and utterly mad? Do not say that ever again!"

Thor smiled and patted Loki's shoulder. "You don't want me dead. You want me safe."

"Yes! Alright! I am the only one who gets to kill you and I will not kill you, are you happy now?" Loki smacked his head against the cave wall. "Damn it all to Hel. How did I end up here?"

"This cave? We fell."

"I don't mean this cave, I mean this entire situation." Loki rubbed his eyes. "I can remember pieces. I can remember the pain, the heat, the cold, the death… but I cannot remember its face or its name that put me there." He began to shake. "I remember the images put inside my head. I remember that most of all. You throwing me into the void. You killing me while mother watched on in approval. Those slow… slow deaths over and over again." He screamed and slammed a fist into the ground. "It's not real! It never happened! Yet it never goes away. It never, ever goes away."

Thor wrapped his brother in a hug. "Fear is always real, but what we fear may not be." He rubbed Loki's back. "You are my brother, Loki, and I love you. We will find out who did this to you. There will be retribution, even if it be against Death itself. They will regret the day they laid a hand on you."

Loki hugged Thor back. "I love you too."

&%&%&%

A/N: I've been down in the fandom dumps for the past several years, but _Thor: Ragnarok_ got me back on the fandom train. This series even got me to win NANOWRIMO again!


	2. Chapter II: The New Pet Sueprvillain

Chapter II: The New Pet Supervillain

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 **Nick Fury and Phil Coulson Decide to Not Kill Loki** **… for Now**

Loki tilted his head as he looked at the ruined building in Washington D.C. "Are you sure SHIELD is in there?"

"It was when I last spoke to Director Fury," Thor said as he tapped his umbrella against the ground, "And could you have chosen something a bit less conspicuous than your witch costume?"

Loki looked down at his all black suit and black, leather long coat. "This is not a witch costume. This is me being inconspicuous."

Thor looked skyward and the clouds began to darken.

"Please don't hit me with lightning again. You know it makes Mother upset."

A black van drove up beside the two brothers. The side door slid open to reveal a smiling Phil Coulson. "Welcome back to Earth, gentlemen."

Loki looked at Coulson, then at Thor, and then back at Coulson. "I am fairly certain I killed you."

Coulson shrugged. "You did. Now I'm not. I'll explain on the way."

&%&%&%

Nick Fury was not happy to see them. "Thor, you have five seconds to tell me why I shouldn't shove your brother out of my office window."

Without missing a beat, Thor said, "He was brainwashed just like your agents were. He's here to help Midgard."

Fury raised an eyebrow and looked between the two brothers. "I'm not seeing any of that blue junk in his eyes. I'm extending this to a minute meeting."

Coulson took a seat, but kept his eyes on the two Asgardians.

Loki was about to speak, when Thor smacked him on the chest. "My brother is... not an innocent by any means. He has done harm to this and other realms. He should make amends for what he has done just as I have been doing the past two years. The All-Father has given his permission for Loki to help serve the residents of Midgard as a penance for his crimes as you, Director Fury, see fit. I told him you were a man of wisdom and honor."

Fury motioned around him to the non-descript, rented office. "I'm not the director of anything anymore."

"I see you found out about your HYDRA problem," Loki said.

"Yeah. We're working on it," Nick said.

"It is unfortunate," Thor said, "Are the Avengers disbanded as well?"

"No. They've been keeping busy on their own."

Thor brightened. "Indeed? Well, we shall work with them!"

"Hold it, Thor! Hold it right there. I may not be the director of SHIELD anymore, but I do care about a few of those people and tolerate the others. The Avengers are not running some sort of therapy service," Fury said.

"I don't know. The father issues alone with that group make me a prime candidate..." Loki said.

"Loki, you have thirty seconds to prove to me your brains are not going to be my new wall decoration. What do you have to offer that no one else on the Avengers can?"

"My charming personality," Loki said.

Fury pulled out his gun. "Twenty-five seconds."

Loki sighed and rubbed his forehead. "The scepter I wielded and the Tesseract are both items known as Infinity Stones. They were made by a powerful being (or beings) before the universe began. Unimaginable power in six individual stones. Whoever captured me is trying to collect them all so they can take over or destroy the universe."

"What do you mean 'whoever' captured you?"

Loki shrugged. "Just as your agents told you, parts of the mind control block out the actual experience of it. It takes time to regain. I already know that they exist at some sort of physical level but..." he waved his hand, "... it is not coming easily."

Fury looked over at Thor. "Is he bullshitting me?"

Thor stroked his beard. "No. He is not. I can understand why the helmet he is fond of might confuse you..."

"Are you really going to start this up again, bird brain?" Loki said.

"Enough," Nick said, "Is he lying to me, Thor?"

"No, he is not lying about this. The Infinity Stones are a great and terrible power. There are only a handful of the living who have as much knowledge of the Stones and their power as my brother. If we do not find out who seeks the Stones, the very universe itself might be destroyed."

Nick put away his gun. "Gentlemen, you had my curiosity. Now you have my attention. Talk."

&%&%&%

 **Pepper Potts Impresses Loki**

Loki poured himself a drink from Tony's bar as he waited for Thor to finish greeting Jane in another room. That was firmly on the list of things Loki _did not want to know about_. The Avengers were supposed to be out of this area for the next few minutes.

The trickster sipped the brown liquid and hummed in appreciation. "Passable."

"I should hope so. It's a thirty-year-old scotch," Pepper said.

Loki laughed. "Good afternoon, Ms. Potts. How are you this fine day?" He noted her hands had begun to glow red.

"It was okay until the guy who nearly killed my fiancé showed up in my apartment," Pepper said.

He took another sip of scotch. "Yes, but Stark was in my way."

"You have five seconds to leave before I call in Tony."

"Please, no lies, Ms. Potts," Loki said as he walked out from around the bar, "Your watchdog, JARVIS, has already called in Stark. Frankly, I do not see the point as it is obvious you can take care of yourself."

"Excuse me?" Pepper said as she tightened her hands into fists.

"The power within you. What have you been up to in the year I have been gone?" Loki said. He smirked as he took another sip. "This is going to be more fun than I expected."

Thor entered the room with a pissed-off Tony Stark (in full armor), Jane Foster, and Darcy Lewis. "What are you doing here?" Tony demanded as he aimed to blast Loki.

"Taking you up on your offer of a drink," Loki said as he toasted to Stark. He drank the rest of the scotch in one-gulp and put aside the glass. "I was hoping it would intoxicate me, but, alas, it is rather _impotent_."

"Enough," Thor said, "I have brought Loki here to help the Earth, not to bring up old grudges."

"It's been a year. I don't think it counts as _old_ ," Tony said.

The punch from Jane Foster was not entirely unexpected to Loki. "That was for New York."

Loki laughed, clearly unaffected by the punch. "I like her. Are all Midgardian women as entertaining as the several who have tried to kill me so far?"

"You haven't even said hi to my taser yet," Darcy said as she held up her weapon.

"Ah, yes. I have heard of you, Ms. Lewis. I am afraid that will not have much effect on me. Thor was only human when you hit him with your mortal lightning," Loki said.

Darcy nodded her head. "Fair point. I think I'll test it out.'

Loki hit the floor from the shock of the taser. Darcy fist pumped to the sky and spun around. "Two gods down! I should get a medal or something."

"Darcy…" Thor warned.

"Yes?" Darcy said.

Loki put his hands on Darcy's shoulders and spun her around. "That… was not a bad hit." He patted her shoulders. "Aren't you a delightful, devious darling? I like you too. I'll kill you last. I am starting to see why you are so fond this realm, brother."

"Will someone please tell me why mad, bad, and dangerous to know is not killing all of us?" Tony said.

Loki smiled and let go of Darcy. "I'm going to need another drink for that story."

&%&%&%

"So… we're supposed to forgive and forget the whole taking over the world thing?" Tony said after Thor explained why Loki was on Earth.

"Or the mind control?" Clint added.

"Or killing Coulson, albeit temporarily?" Steve said.

"I certainly would not," Loki said before sipping his drink, a twenty-year-old bourbon this time.

Thor glared at his brother. "You are not making this easier for yourself."

"I fail to see how I can make it worse," Loki said, "I hardly consider helping the planet I tried to rule a pleasant prospect."

"Would you prefer your cell?" Thor said.

Loki pretended to think before being smacked in the stomach by Thor. "Watch the bourbon!"

"It is not even beginning to intoxicate you!" Thor protested.

"But it is the only enjoyable thing about this whole little get together," Loki said, "Particularly with Dr. Banner sitting across from me. I would rather not meet your counterpart with anything approaching sobriety ever again."

Bruce smiled politely. "Don't worry. He doesn't need to come out for me to take care of you."

Loki downed his bourbon and immediately poured himself another drink, a ten-year-old whiskey.

"You lowering your standards there, water buffalo?" Tony said.

"Rapidly," Loki said. He winced. "Not a pleasant burn. Yes, my standards are lowered. I expected a bit more deviousness from this group as the Black Widow is included."

"How so?" Natasha said.

"You are missing a golden opportunity to use me: the man who tried to destroy you," Loki said, "Our goals are aligned. I am under the threat of constant smiting. Not to mention every single one of you would kill me in an instant if given the chance. Why not use me? Do as you see fit? Even Thor would kill me if I crossed certain lines, correct?"

Thor nodded gravely. "There are some things I cannot allow to happen."

"You see? Even my advocate has limits," Loki said.

"Are you even sorry for any of the crap you did?" Bruce asked.

Loki thought for a moment. "Yes." He turned to Natasha. "Ms. Romanoff, I apologize for the 'mewling quim' comment. I am a supervillain, not an asshole. I should have said something like 'Thou art a boil, a plague sore' or 'Thy tongue out venoms all the worms of Nile.' Insulting you based on your reproductive organs was contemptible."

Natasha did not react or say anything for a moment. "…Apology accepted."

Loki leaned back. "Otherwise, no. What happened a year ago was the result of mind control and I intend to do my penance for the results of my actions. I am not sorry for surviving a creature who has no hesitation about destroying an entire planet just because it is there."

The group was silent… until Steve said, "Wait a second. You quoted Shakespeare earlier. How the Hell have you read Shakespeare?"

Loki grinned. "Do you really think last year was the first time I ever visited Midgard?"

Thor nodded. "Loki and I have been to Earth before. It has just been many years since we visited."

"A few centuries since _you_ visited. I have been here quite often," Loki said.

"Which is why I was confused by your 'Shakespeare in the park' comment, Stark. I did not think one of the fellows I had drinks with several hundred years ago would be a person of common knowledge," Thor said.

"He is the most famous writer in our world. His works are some of the most published in history," Darcy said.

"Billy? Really?" Loki said, "I would not have guessed. I just thought he wrote rather raunchy plays and was handsy fellow."

"Oh, fifty-seven academics just punched the air," Tony said.

"I do believe we are off-topic," Thor said.

"Yeah. Can I remind you that your brother's actions have killed how many hundreds of people?" Bruce said.

Thor looked down sadly. "He's adopted."

"Hey, not to side with _Hot Topic_ over here, but being adopted still makes you family," Tony said, "You don't get to just dismiss him because he's adopted, even if he did try to take over the world."

Thor looked up in confusion. "I am not referring to his attempt to take over Midgard, Stark. I am referring to how ineffectually it was done."

Loki rolled his eyes. "I was working off of no sleep and a year of almost non-stop torture. You must forgive me for not living up to the family standards."

"Family standards?" Pepper asked.

"Yes," Thor said, "Our family comes from mighty warriors. Our grandfather, Bor, defeated many dark forces. Our father united the Nine Realms in peace, but had to fight many battles to get there. If Loki was not doing this to our allies, he would be following their footsteps."

"Wow… that is some imperialist garbage you just spewed out there," Darcy said.

"Imperialist?" Thor asked.

Steve clarified. "It is when empires try to control other people through diplomacy or warfare."

"Asgard is not an empire," Thor said.

"Does Asgard receive tribute?" Darcy asked.

"… Yes…"

"Comes in and settles disputes whether they were asked to or not?"

"Of course. We are here to defend others."

"Yeah, Thor. That smells suspiciously of imperialism."

Thor stroked his beard. "I do not think so, but I will be more than willing to discuss this later. I wish to learn more."

"No problem. I am always up for a rousing discussion about politics," Darcy said, "Besides, I could always tase you into agreeing with me."

Thor laughed. "I am the God of Thunder, Darcy. Loki may be susceptible, but I am not."

The "God of Thunder" was knocked-out cold by Darcy's taser.

&%&%&%

Thor could feel Loki and Jane shaking him. "I'm awake."

"Are you hurt?" Loki asked.

"No. Merely a headache," Thor said.

Loki could hold back no longer. He laughed until he collapsed onto the floor. Every time he looked at Thor, Loki would laugh even harder.

"How long was I out?" Thor asked.

"Two minutes," Jane said.

"That is strange," Thor said. Jane helped him up. "Lady Darcy, you are still a formidable opponent! I do not know why your weapon affects me so, but I am glad to know you are on my side!"

Darcy was turning a deep red color from blushing. "Ummm… I think I broke your brother though."

Loki continued to try to collect himself, but had only succeeded to getting to his knees. He had begun to cry from laughter.

"Is he always like this?" Pepper asked.

"Only on good days," Thor said, smiling brightly. He helped Loki to his feet.

"Your FACE," Loki snorted.

"I am not sure I like this," Steve said, "This is… disconcerting."

"So, what are we going to do about Mischief over there?" Tony asked.

"He could stay in Thor's apartment until he's earned our trust more," Pepper said.

Tony gasped. "Traitor!"

"No. Thor and Loki act like you and Rhodey. If you can turn your life around, why can't someone else do the same?" Pepper said.

Tony pouted. "Fine. But I'll fry him if he tries to take over the world, goes outside without permission, breathes too loudly, etc."

"He will not be in public. He is here to provide information about magical threats to this realm. Don't worry," Thor said as he slapped Loki's back, "He won't be fighting with us."

&%&%&%

The plan lasted for a grand total of twelve hours. Dr. Doom showed up and he had never fought another magic user before, had he?

Loki brushed dirt off his hands after having soundly beaten Dr. Doom in thirty seconds. "If that is all you had to face before me, I am even more ashamed of my defeat. That was rather pathetic."

The Avengers agreed to let Loki go on occasional missions after that… occasionally… every once in a while.

Okay, maybe it was every other time.

&%&%&%

 **The Hulk and the Puny God**

The Hulk saw the puny god punch a soldier trying to shoot the Hulk. Hulk patted the puny god on the head. "No smash now."

Loki nearly fainted.

&%&%&%

 **Clint Barton, You Know, The Farmer?**

Clint could not wait to tell Laura about the Hulk patting Loki on the head like a puppy. Hawkeye drove his truck up to his mailbox and checked to see if Laura had had a chance to get it. He froze.

Something was weird. Super weird. The air did not feel the same. Clint got out of the truck and looked around, seeing nothing, but sensing something.

When he turned back around, Loki was leaning against the hood of Clint's truck. "If I wanted to harm them, do you not think I would have done it before I attacked New York?"

Clint put back his knife. "Yeah… or you could be playing a long con."

Loki smirked. "I could, but I fail to see the use of harming your family in any situation." He motioned towards the gate. "Consider this a peace offering."

Hawkeye looked around. "You do realize I _own_ this farm, right?"

The trickster rolled his eyes. "I meant the spell." With the wave of his hand, Loki showed a blue shield surrounding the farm and made it disappear again. "You and your wife can now keep out or remove any unwanted visitors."

"Let me guess, except you."

"No. Also me."

Clint motioned towards the fence. "Do you mind demonstrating?"

Loki sighed and braced himself. He reached out with one finger…

He was immediately thrown back twenty feet, landing on his back. "Damn. That hurt," Loki groaned. He pulled himself up. "Was that a satisfactory demonstration?"

Barton laughed. He kept laughing as he drove up to the farm and greeted his family. Laura laughed even harder than he did.

By the time he had talked to Natasha on the phone about what happened, Clint told Laura, "Eh. Maybe I won't shoot him in the eye next chance I get. Second chance, _maybe_ …"

&%&%&%

 **Tony Stark and the Void**

Tony patted the finished arm of his suit. Not bad in a day's... okay, days' work. He rubbed his eyes as he saw it was three in the morning. Pepper had not bothered dragging him to bed, so he had only been up for... maybe thirty hours? Not too bad. Not as bad as it had been before Christmas.

He walked out to the kitchen and looked in the fridge for some fruit.

"Feeling a bit peckish?" Loki said from a dark corner of the kitchen.

Tony threw the closest thing at hand: an apple.

It bounced off Loki's head and into his hand. Loki brushed the apple against his shirt and took a bite. "Is this a Fuji?"

"Pink lady, actually," Tony said. He took out a bag of pre-washed blueberries. "Do you lurk in my kitchen every night?"

"As it is, in fact, the Avengers' kitchen, no."

"I paid for it." Tony threw a blueberry at Loki. The trickster caught it in his mouth. "Bastard."

Loki shrugged. "Not all can be as talented as I am." He continued eating.

"Don't feed me your crap. What are you doing?"

"Same as you. Not sleeping."

"Yeah." Tony ate another blueberry. "Nightmares?"

Loki took another bite from his apple rather than answer.

"That bad, huh?" Tony said.

Another bite from the apple and Loki threw it in the trash.

Tony sat on the counter, letting his legs dangle over the side. "I get it. Before I got a kick in the ass last Christmas, I didn't sleep at all. I kept having nightmares about space. Not the dark. It was the _silence_. I didn't understand what silence was until I went up there. You think you do when you're by yourself but it's..."

"Vast and contained. Something the mind should never comprehend," Loki said. He sat on the counter next to Tony, his feet not quite reaching the floor. "It becomes so cold all you feel is heat. It breaks a part of you."

"And you are left putting back together the pieces, never quite fitting right again, jagged edges cutting you again and again and again."

They fell silent.

"Have you found it to be getting better?" Loki asked some time later.

"Since Christmas, yeah, but there are still bad nights. I don't think you get better from this sort of thing. You just become... different. Maybe stronger. Definitely stranger."

Loki smirked. "And here I thought we were a strange pair already."

"Yeah." Tony smacked Loki's back and they became quiet again.

"Hey, Loki, can I ask you something?" Tony said.

"Yes?"

"Do you own anything that doesn't make you look like you popped out of a cheesy fantasy novel or a bad sci-fi film?"

Loki laughed, feeling the darkness receded for a moment. "I see no need to."

"Yeah, well, if you were a bit more approachable, maybe we could get you a nice girlfriend or boyfriend… or a horse." Tony chuckled.

Loki blinked. "Is that an Earth saying?"

"No. It's… dude, have you not heard the story of how you got the walls of Asgard built AND got Odin an eight-legged horse?"

"You mean Sleipnir? Yes, I won him for father. I played a rather tense game of dice with some of my vital organs as collateral. Of course, I might have… weighed the dice a little in my favor."

Tony giggled (though he would say it was a chuckle). "Dude, that is not the story we got down here."

By the time Tony had finished the story, Loki was utterly embarrassed and horrified. "I would do no such thing! How? What? Who would tell such a horrible tale?"

"I don't know, man. Whoever it is hated your guts."

Loki bent over, appearing nauseous. "Swear you will never tell Thor."

Tony put his hand over his heart. "I promise."

And Tony kept his promise. Clint was the one who told Thor.

After that night, Tony started the trend of giving Loki quirky t-shirts. The first one from Tony said, "Good morning, I see the assassins have failed."

The next one was from Bruce which said, "I am why we can't have nice things."

&%&%&%

 **Dr. Bruce Banner and the Monster**

Thor came into the lab with a cut over his eyebrow and bruises up and down his bare arms.

"What happened?" Jane asked as she looked him over.

"Loki and I were following a lead on where an Infinity Stone might be. The good news is that we found it in a place called Kamar-Taj. Unfortunately, it is protected by a group of sorcerers."

Bruce took off his glasses. "The Earth has magic users?"

"Indeed. Some of them are more powerful than Loki... which is why we are here."

"You are probably going to need help from Asgard for your back up," Bruce said.

"We are not going after the Stone... for now. I do not believe their leader, the Ancient One, is... malicious. I do not trust her," Thor said, "She reminds me far too much of my father only she does not have someone like my mother to remind the Ancient One of the purpose of power. The Ancient One has lived far longer than any human can without tapping into darker powers or stealing a golden apple from Asgard."

"And you are leaving the Infinity Stone with her?" Jane said.

"If whatever dark power gathering the Stones tries to take the Eye of Agamotto, they will be in for an unpleasant surprise," Thor said. He sighed deeply. "Alas, dearest Jane, that is not the end of my story or why I am here. The Ancient One temporarily stripped Loki of all magic and so his... birth form is on display. He desires no one see him and I came to warn you to avoid his rooms. He has reacted strongly against me staying with him and I doubt he will let anyone else near him."

"His Frost Giant form, right?" Jane said.

"Indeed. I told him it was no more frightening to me than when he first wakes up the morning, but he did not find it amusing," Thor said. He sighed again. "I do not wish him to be alone with his thoughts right now. His mind does not dwell easily on his heritage and he refuses my help to see he is not a monster in his birth form. Monsters are created by actions, not by their fearsome appearance."

Bruce groaned as he knew what Thor would say next. "Damn it, Thor. I am not talking with your brother."

&%&%&%

Dr. Banner adjusted his glasses as he walked towards Loki room. Thor was hard to say "no" to when he looked like a kick puppy.

Bruce heard rather than saw Darcy first. "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves/Everybody's nerves/Yes, on everybody's nerves./I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves./And this is how it goes.../I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves."

"Uh... why are you serenading Loki?" Bruce asked.

Darcy sat across the hallway from Loki's apartment as she knitted a scarf. "I saw him when he came in. He was upset and so Thor was upset. I'm trying to get him to talk to Thor."

"I think he can be a little upset," Bruce said.

"Yeah, but not to the point of telling Thor they were never brothers and never would be. That's just a jackass move."

Bruce blinked. "Thor didn't mention that."

"I doubt he would. It doesn't matter how much you're in pain. You don't hurt family like that." Darcy continued her singing. "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves/Everybody's nerves…."

Loki slammed the door open. "Cease that infernal racket!"

Darcy looked Loki up and down. "Okay, so you're blue. You look like a demoniacally possessed Smurf, but those things are evil anyway," Darcy said.

Loki huffed. "Darling, leave before I make you."

Darcy settled back against the wall. "You'll have to make me."

Bruce stepped between the two. "I think you should go inside, Loki. Darcy, I'll take care of this, okay?"

"Sure, doc. Hey, Loki, say hi to the Na'vi for me."

Bruce shoved Loki into the apartment before the trickster could do anything. Loki leapt away from Banner's touch.

"Do not lay hands on me if you want to live," Loki said.

"Uh huh. Yeah. I'm not too worried about a threat from you."

Loki sighed and grabbed a blanket, wrapping himself in it, covering his face as he sat down on the couch. "My skin causes frostbite down to the bone."

"Huh. Interesting." Bruce sat down in the chair across from Loki. "Is it just you or all the Frost Giants?"

"Frost Giants. It is how I discovered I was one."

"Makes sense. If you are living in a frozen wasteland and have adapted to environment while also dealing with invaders from planets that are not an Arctic tundra… it's a good defense mechanism."

Loki said dryly, "I'm glad my deadly skin is fascinating to you, Doctor Banner."

"You know, if you said you have the skin of a killer, I would have to question what you have been watching in your free time."

Loki peeked out of the blanket. "What in the world are you referring to?"

"I have to show you _Twilight_. It is one of my guilty pleasures."

&%&%&%

"This is terrible," Loki said.

"Are you referring to the movie or the beer?"

"Both," Loki said, "Who thought sparkly skin was terrifying?"

"It's not supposed to be terrifying. It's supposed to be romantic."

Loki snorted. "He stalks her and wants to eat her. Hardly romantic."

Bruce shrugged. "It's through the lens of being a teenage girl. You are the center of attention and can be protected by someone no one else can control. It's just like playing an overpowered character in a video game and can defeat all enemies. It's a type of power fantasy."

"But this relationship is certainly not healthy."

"Hell, no."

Loki drank some more beer. "Am I supposed to reveal my deep-seated insecurities or something?"

"I'm a doctor, but not that kind of doctor," Bruce said, "But I do get it, not wanting the people you love to see the deadly side of you. It doesn't give you the right to be an ass about it."

Loki tightened the blanket around himself, not responding to the comment.

&%&%&%

The next day, Loki was back to his "normal" non-blue self, sulking around the tower and glaring at anyone who interrupted his reading. Thor tossed a pillow at Loki's head. The younger glared at the elder. "Don't think I won't turn you into a frog again, brother."

"Really, brother?" Thor said, smirking as he launched another pillow at his sibling.

Loki tackled Thor and broke a table. Stark stepped over the two as they play-fought. "This is why we can't have nice things," Tony muttered.

The two stopped when Thor began bleeding. Loki brushed off the glass and healed the wound. "Sorry, for the cut... and what I said yesterday," Loki said quietly.

"You are forgiven," Thor said before slapping Loki on the back, "Horns."

"Feathers," Loki said as he elbowed Thor.

That was when Bruce bought the t-shirt.

&%&%&%

 **Natasha Romanoff and a Child at Prayer**

The Avengers were having a game night. Specifically, Mafia. It was a game where one player was the Narrator, a few players were killers, a couple less police, a few less were medical support, and the rest were bystanders. Everyone tried to guess who the killers were. If the group agreed on who the killer was, that person was executed whether they were the killer or not.

Loki was executed first. Every. Single. Time.

The only balm for this wound was that Natasha was the second to be executed. Every. Single. Time.

The two sat outside the circle, watching the accusations and deaths become more and more elaborate and bizarre.

"I rather admire the disturbing depths of Rogers' mind," Loki said, "This all seems rather morbid with our combined body count."

"I am sure your ledger is dripping."

"It's gushing red," Loki confirmed, rolling his eyes at the reference.

Natasha tilted her head towards Thor. "He's got red in his ledger too, doesn't he?"

Loki winced. "In service to a liar and a killer. Our battles in the past..." He waved his hand. "We have both been reevaluating the stories we have been told since we were children."

"Hmmm... sounds like you two are growing up."

Thor fell to the floor in a dramatic heap when he was told he was killed by piranhas with laser eyes.

"No. Never that. I love my brother; love is for children."

"I can respect that." Natasha held up her glass. "To being children."

Loki clicked the glass. "To being children."

&%&%&%

A/N: Mini-gold helmets to those who find the _Django Unchained_ , _Doctor Who_ , and _Welcome to Night Vale_ references.

I totally agree with this post about Loki and HYDRA.

post/86917280668/thorinobsessed-iloominations-reserve-you#notes

This is my favorite interpretation of the "he's adopted" line.

post/93350034393/thorkizilla-sadrobotinabowlerhat#notes

This is the "Good morning, I see the assassins have failed." t-shirt.

mf/98116254/good-morning-i-see-the-assassins-have-failed_tshirt?productId=1563479761

This is the "I am why we can't have nice things" t-shirt.

product/135d/


	3. Chapter III: The Heart of the Matter

Chapter III: The Heart of the Matter

&%&%&%

 **Dr. Jane Foster and Loki** **'s Priorities**

Jane knew this day was always a possibility. Thor would always try to save others. He would throw himself into danger in a heartbeat. It was one of the reasons she loved him. She had just not expected the day to come just a few months after they had finally found each other again.

Steve Rogers came into the lab with bullet holes in his uniform. "Dr. Foster, we need you down in the med bay. Thor has been hurt."

Jane and Darcy scrambled after Steve as they ran down the stairs, the elevator having taken too long. None of the Avengers were in good shape. Natasha's arm was in a sling. Clint limped as he paced. Tony and Rhodey sat on a hospital bed together. Their Iron Man suits in a pile, clearly ripped apart by bullets. Sam was covered in ugly bruises and cuts. Bruce looked ashen as he helped Dr. Helen Cho. Loki had bullet holes in his jacket and a nasty cut on his left arm.

Thor was in the worst condition out of all. Jane saw he had at least fifty bullet holes in him. He was covered in blood.

"What the Hell? I've seen bullets barely make a dent in him," Darcy said.

"It is some sort of adamantium bullet," Tony said quietly, "HYDRA was testing out a new weapon. Thor took most of the hits."

Steve kept a hand on Jane's shoulder. She understood why. Loki was panicking and Loki did not panic. He laughed at the face of danger. He thought torture to be a child's game. He rolled his eyes at the wounds he and Thor received.

Loki was completely and utterly afraid. His hands shook and his voice wavered as he yelled at Thor.

"You are not allowed to die, Thor," Loki said as he pulled out another bullet, "I am the only one who gets to kill you, remember? Come on. Remember in the cave? The only one who gets to kill you is me and I have no intention of that ever happening. WAKE UP! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE! I ORDER YOU TO STAY ALIVE!"

"I thought I was the one who got to order people around?" Thor wheezed before he coughed up blood.

Loki nearly collapsed. "You are a damn fool."

"Yes, I am a damn fool," Thor said, "But could you stop the bleeding? It's making me nauseous."

Loki began to laugh. "Yes. Yes. Yes, you damn idiot. We will stop the bleeding."

Thor nodded. "Everyone alright?"

"Yes, you moron," Loki said, "Jane is even here."

"Make sure she's okay. She gets sick at the sight of blood."

"I will," Loki said.

Jane came over, but stayed a few paces back to allow Bruce, Helen, and Loki to work. She waved. "Hey."

"Hey," Thor said, smiling softly.

&%&%&%

Jane was allowed to see Thor an hour later. Loki had fallen asleep in the chair next to Thor's bed, his hand protectively resting on Thor's arm.

The god of thunder smiled. "Hello, dearest Jane."

Jane gave him a slow, warm kiss. "You scared me."

"I scared myself. Fortunately, Loki was there to start treatment." He chuckled and then winced. "He has been keeping me out of trouble since we were children. He even tried to stop Father from banishing me."

Jane looked over in surprise at the still sleeping Loki. "I thought he tried to take the throne?"

Thor shook his head. "No. That was later after he found out about his heritage. Even then, I think only mother knew about him being a Frost Giant and she gave full approval to his appointment as regent in my absence." He shrugged. "You have only seen him torn apart by lies. What he did today was what he has done our entire lives." He paused. "Though stabbing me has often been a frequent occurrence. I think the first time was when we were... three, I think? Admittedly it was a fork and I was trying to steal his cake."

Jane snorted back a laugh. "That's just awful."

"I have a tendency to throw things at him to make sure he has not conjured an illusion, so it evens out."

Jane could not help it. She laughed long and hard until her sides were sore.

Loki blinked away sleep. "I think she's broken. I hope you didn't break her, Thor. I like her. "

Jane went over to Loki and kissed his cheek. "Thank you, Loki, for saving him. I like you too."

The god of mischief began turning bright red. "Um... um... you're welcome."

&%&%&%

 **Captain America, the Winter Soldier, the God of Lies, and Other Masks People Wear**

Darcy looked ready to stab Loki with one of her knitting needles. Steve was not for Loki being stabbed, but he was not exactly against Loki being stabbed either. The better side of Steve decided to sit between the two on the couch as a barrier.

"So, anyone against me watching the game?" Steve asked.

"No," the two replied.

He flipped on a women's hockey match. Darcy put her feet on Steve's lap and continued knitting, offering colorful commentary as the game continued. Loki would occasionally look-up from his book. Then it was more frequently. Then he was completely enraptured.

"How often do these death matches occur in this realm?" Loki asked.

"It's not a death match. It's hockey."

Darcy shrugged. "I don't think Loki is wrong on this. It can get heated, particularly women's."

The three flinched after a particularly vicious hit.

"Yeah. I think I am going to agree with Loki on this one. Definitely a death match," Steve said.

&%&%&%

Later that day, Steve was knocking some sense into a punching bag until it flew off the hook... which nearly slammed into Loki.

"That cannot be cost effective," Loki said as he stepped over the bag.

"Probably not," Steve said.

"You could fight me."

Steve laughed. "Yeah and you would magic a copy of yourself and I would get my ass-kicked."

"No tricks," Loki said, "I had to learn how to fight even before I could conjure an image of myself."

"Uh huh, but then it wouldn't be a fair fight for you," Steve said.

Loki grinned, his clothes changing to a loose Asgardian shirt and pants. "Would you like to test that?"

The two men did not move for several moments, waiting for the other to move. Loki sighed. "Really? Should we do Paper/Scissors/Rock?"

"Sure," Steve said.

The two men moved closer together, hands out. "Paper, scissors…" Steve decked Loki and sent him sprawling.

Loki cackled after he landed. "I didn't know you had it in you, captain."

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me," Steve said as he held out his hand.

Loki took the help... and yanked Steve to the floor.

The two of them continued their fight in a similar manner for the next half hour. There were a few hits, but mostly it was trying to distract the other to get a solid hit rather than swinging wildly.

"Peace, captain," Loki said after a kick to his side.

"Tired?" Steve said.

"My spleen is protesting," Loki said as he staggered to a bench. He tossed a water bottle to the soldier before taking a bottle for himself.

"Do you need medical attention?" Steve asked.

Loki said, "This will heal in a few hours."

"Nifty."

"Very."

The two took a sip of water at the same time, causing Steve to chuckle.

"What is so amusing, Captain?"

"You fight like I do." He stepped away from the wall and demonstrated. "You hit like you're aiming for a bigger target though you're two inches taller than me. You move like any hit will send you flying. Not to mention you are a sneaky little bastard."

Loki snickered.

"I'm guessing you and Thor didn't have the same fighting instructors growing up."

"Oh, we did. The difference was I was on the floor most of the time."

"So, who taught you how to not die in a fight?"

"You would not believe me."

"Let me guess: it was your mom."

Loki blinked. "Yes. She was an avid magic user and taught me how to use my mind to defeat my opponent rather than brawn. She tried teaching Thor, but he was easily distracted."

Steve nodded. "I kept getting my ass kicked when I was a young child. Bucky would help, but he could only do so much because he was a kid. A kid shouldn't have to fight someone else's battles. So, Mom taught me how to fight a bigger opponent. I learned to fight dirty. Later, Peggy taught me some more specialized moves, before the serum I mean." He cleared his throat, memories of Peggy's funeral from the past month coming back.

"Director Carter seems to have been a magnificent woman. I am sorry for your loss."

"Thanks. She was."

Loki nodded to the punching bag. "I may not be able to take your hits for a few hours, Steve, but I could hold it in place for you without injuring myself further."

"That would be great."

Only one of the punching bags had to be replaced over the next hour instead of one every five minutes. The two men walked out the room only a little worse for wear.

"You'll find him," Loki said before they parted ways.

"Who?"

"Your friend, Bucky. There are some souls whose paths are intertwined with yours where, whether you want it or not, will always find their way back to you. You and Barnes are two such souls."

"How mystical of you."

Loki shook his head. "Merely observing patterns in the universe."

"And you've seen it before?"

"Yes. I was dead and yet Thor found me all the same," Loki said, "Good night, Steve."

"Good night, Loki. Another round tomorrow?"

"Of course."

&%&%&%

 **Darcy Lewis and the Trickster**

Darcy actively avoided Loki which was kind of hard as they lived on the same floor, often worked in the same lab, and the Avengers had started to kind of, sort of, _like_ Loki. In other words, they were together _all the time_.

Which is what made Loki settling down next to Darcy on the sofa so annoying. There was a space between them, but it was still way too close. Darcy wanted to stretch out her legs so she could knit more comfortably. But nope, tall, dark, and insane had to pick the couch even though there were two perfectly good easy chairs in the common room.

"What music are you listening to?" Loki asked, glancing at Darcy.

"It's not music. It's an audiobook," Darcy said.

Loki nodded and waited for an answer.

"Ugh. Fine," Darcy said. She had JARVIS play the audiobook on speakers. "Be glad I just started this."

"And this is?"

" _A Room of One_ _'s Own_ by Virginia Woolf. Very influential when it comes to feminism."

"Is it your first time reading it?"

"No. It's kind of a comfort read for me."

Loki put aside his book and pulled out a notebook and pen. He scribbled down notes as the narrator read and would tap the pen when not writing.

"Dude, can you do something else? Anywhere else?"

"Why?"

"You are making me nervous."

"When have I given a reason to make you nervous?" Loki asked.

"I'll make you a chart," Darcy said.

He chuckled. "I had wondered when you would confront me about my 'supervillain' past." He did air quotes.

"It's not just that you're a supervillain, dude. It's that you're a stupid supervillain."

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Oh? How so?"

"You could have taken over the world way easier."

Loki put aside his notebook. "Enlighten me."

"You should have killed everyone flat out rather than have them split up," Darcy said, "And I mean everyone. Our families, gone. Our friends, gone. Our pets, gone."

"Indeed, but would that not merely put you on a mindless rampage of revenge?" Loki said.

"That leads me to point 2. You should have had the Avengers assassinated by Clint. None of this Helicarrier or New York crap. Just, BOOM, head shot."

Darcy put aside her knitting. "Which leads me to point 3. You made everything way too public. Eyeball incident? Avoidable. Everyone knowing where you would go because you are such a megalomaniac? Avoidable. Deciding one of the largest cities in the world is the best place to start taking over the world? Avoidable. Seriously it's like you..." She froze.

"Like what? Like I _wanted_ to lose?"

"You clever bastard. You were fighting the whole time against that mind control crap, weren't you? You didn't want a throne. You wanted an out."

Loki leaned towards Darcy. "I do enjoy mischief, darling."

They fell back into silence as they continued to listen to the book.

"Honestly, this is a _comfort_ read to you?" Loki said, "It is rather depressing and far too centric on a middle-class Edwardian woman."

"I never imagined that sentence would ever come out of your mouth," Darcy said, "And I agree, but Woolf is just… I get what she was aiming for. People who have money are more likely to have the resources to be educated and create art. It's not _impossible_ to create art when you don't have a lot of money, but it sure sucks. I mean, I was able to go to Culver because my parents had decent life insurance. When they died, it meant I could go to college anywhere I wanted. I was going to be so broke that my iPod was the most expensive thing I owned, but hey, I got to go to college and make enough connections to get into a decent law school." She smirked. "My excellent scientist wrangling and taser abilities got me here, though."

Loki smiled at the last part before becoming serious again. "I am sorry about your parents."

"Did you give my dad a heart attack or my mom cancer?"

"No."

"Then there is nothing to be sorry for, but thanks for the concern." She gently kicked the side of Loki's thigh. "Seriously, thanks. I must annoy you a lot."

"You don't annoy me. You make me nervous," Loki said.

"Me?"

"Yes. Your taser is a fearsome thing to be at the receiving end of."

Darcy snorted. "Dude, I can't rank up there with the Hulk."

"Indeed, you do, Darcy. You are a pain to my Asgardian soul."

"And you're a pain in my Midgardian life."

Loki moved Darcy's feet so they could rest on his lap. He went back to making notes.

Darcy finished the row of knitting she was working on and pulled out a notebook. "Hey, dude, hold up your hands."

Loki warily did. Darcy held her hands up to his for a moment before taking notes.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm making your Christmas present. Pretend to be surprised when you get them."

"You would make me something?" Loki said, looking genuinely surprised.

"Yeah. You pick at your left palm when you're nervous and sometimes you bleed. One of my roomies in college did the same thing with her hands. It's called Excoriation. Wearing gloves helped her do it less."

Loki blinked a few times. "I feel as if you will always surprise me, Darcy."

"Was that a compliment?"

"Yes."

"Happy early Hanukkah for me. Now shush. I have to start binding the ends off of this hat before Jane gets back from her conference."

Loki patted one of her feet. "Of course, darling."

&%&%&%

 **Loki Decides It Might All Be Worth It**

Tony blinked as Loki ended the kiss. "Damn, Loki. Treat a guy to dinner first."

The trickster laughed. "Your reaction was priceless."

Pepper rolled her eyes and came over to the two. "Loki, sweetie, that's not how you kiss a guy." She then dipped Loki and kissed him.

When they were both standing, Loki was wide-eyed and his face was beginning to flush. He cleared his throat and patted Tony's shoulder. "You are a lucky man. I think I need a drink after that."

Pepper snickered. "He's not as good as you, Tony," she said with a wink. Tony and Pepper proceeded to snog under the mistletoe for the majority of the rest of the evening.

&%&%&%

As the festivities began to die down, only the Avengers, Loki, Darcy, Pepper, Jane, Sam, and Rhodey remained as they all relaxed in easy chairs and sofas. Clint had taken issue with Mjolnir.

"It's a trick!" Clint said.

"Oh, no. It's much more than that," Thor said.

"'Uh, "Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!' Whatever man! It's a trick."

Thor motioned to Mjolnir. "Well please, be my guest."

Clint failed miserably, laughing the entire time.

Tony then came up to test his mettle while making some innuendos. "Right, so, if I lift it, I then rule Asgard?"

"Yes, of course," Thor said.

"I will be fair, but firmly cruel."

Tony failed as well, even with the help of Rhodey, Pepper, Sam, and the Iron Man suit.

"Alright. Let's let Dr. Foster try," Tony said.

"No, thank you," Jane said. She primly sipped her eggnog. "I can get Mjolnir up at any time, but not in front of an audience."

Loki sunk to the floor, covering his eyes while everyone else laughed. "There are some things a brother must never hear," he muttered.

Bruce tried next and almost caused Loki to faint when Banner roared.

Darcy was the next contestant. She spoke softly to the hammer, hiccupping every few words. "Hey there Mew-Mew. *hiccup* How you doing *hiccup* today? *hiccup* Can I pick you up?"

When she went to touch the hammer, Darcy received a minor electrical shock. "Ouch! Thor! No booby *hiccup* traps."

"I did nothing, Darcy," Thor said, "Apparently Mjolnir likes you."

"It could be *hiccup* nicer to me. It's not *hiccup* nice to *hiccup* shock people."

That led to an outcry from the rest of the group. Darcy settled down next to Loki and began to fall asleep.

Steve went next. There was a slight movement from Mjolnir only Thor and Loki noticed.

Natasha passed trying entirely. "That's not a question I need answered."

Thor stood up and picked up Mjolnir. He held it out to Loki. "Brother?"

Loki shook his head. "I've known the answer to that question for several years. I shall pass."

"All deference to the man who wouldn't be king, but it's rigged," Tony said, "'Whosoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints' is, I think, the literal translation?"

"Yes, well that's, uh, that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one," Thor said, "You're all not worthy."

There were "boos" all around and popcorn was thrown.

&%&%&%

Thor picked up Jane as she had fallen asleep on the couch. "Brother, can you please pick up the bag of gifts and take it up to my apartment? My hands are full"

Loki rolled his eyes, but did as he was asked. They went into the elevator down to Thor's apartment.

"It was a good day," Thor said softly as he kissed the top of Jane's head.

"It was. I… thank you."

"For what?"

"For bringing me here. I… I am not what I was and never will be but… but that was not good either. I think I like what I am becoming."

Thor smiled as the doors of the elevator open. "I like what you are becoming as well: a good man." They continued down the hallway.

"Hardly," Loki said as he unlocked the door.

"Can you dump the bag on the floor while I put Jane to bed?"

"Sure."

As Thor tucked Jane in, he heard Loki make a distressed noise in the living room. Thor smiled and sat next to his brother on the floor.

"What? How?" Loki whimpered as he held Mjolnir in his hand, having found it had been in the bag the entire time.

Thor slung an arm around Loki. "Because, underneath it all, you are still a good man."

"You tricky little… I'm impressed," Loki said.

"Ah, well, I'm your big brother. I sometimes have good ideas."

&%&%&%

A/N: *whispers* This was originally supposed to be just funny, but noooo. They had to get all angsty.

The "Asgardian soul" bit is form this post.

post/77369254236/jaredpotterloki-youre-a-pain-in-my-midgardian#notes

Also, just for fun, this is the Christmas tree in the lab.

post/68962593547/lokilaufeysonthefrostgiant-daizette#notes


End file.
